Live in the moment

I’m a planner. You might even call me a schemer. I suppose it’s the curse of the analyst- it’s hard to stop strategizing. I’ve been family planning in one way or another for most of my adult life…

Find a husband who wants children. Find a job that allows me to work from home. Try to get pregnant. Hmmmm…this doesn’t seem to be happening. What about adoption? Check out the adoption forums. Read a few books.  Husband is on board. Let’s tell our parents. Get the application. Nevermind, I’m pregnant!  Find a house for the family. Find a nanny to assist with the working mom situation. Find a good school and a good church. This working mom business SUCKS! Let’s work on our finances and figure out how I can quit so we can have another kid. About that other kid- it’s not like we haven’t been “trying” for the last few years.  Let’s take another look at adoption. What do you mean we’re too old for most of the programs? Have I thought about surrogacy? Back to the internet. Did you know it’s a cottage industry at some US military bases? Would we consider going to India? No. Talk to a friend. Wow,  I don’t think I want a lawyer involved in the birthing of my child.  What about IVF? This might actually be our answer. How are we going to pay for this? Guess what? My insurance will cover most of the cost. Strike that- they won’t cover any of the process we’ve chosen. What’s the current stock price? What do you mean I’m on the insider trading list and can’t sell it for 2 more weeks? What’s the current stock price? Refresh. Oh this is not good. How low can it go? Can we post date that check? What’s your drop dead deadline? We can do that!  How soon do I get to start the hormones? Should we try for twins? Twins- are you crazy? Yes, twins. OK- we will try for twins.  When do we tell the family? Don’t forget to call in that refill.  How many eggs did you say that you retrieved?? What will we do with that many embryos? Oh…they didn’t all fertilize? Hmmm.. they didn’t all make it through the night? Do you think that we will have two to transfer? We do have two to transfer! What will I watch on tv during my 3 days of bedrest? What if they don’t both implant? Or worse- what if NEITHER implants? Google every IVF transfer topic under the sun. Wait- that was a little TOO much information. When can I take that home pregnancy test? What if it’s negative? Stick says I’m pregnant! How early does the clinic open for my bloodtest? Do you send this blood off to the lab or analyze it right here? How soon will the doctor call? We have CONFIRMATION! Do the numbers suggest that both embryos implanted? How soon will I have my ultrasound? When will they reduce some of these hormones? When will I start to show? Will we have our finances in order by the time I’m ready to quit working? Which car should we buy? What do you think about this name? What if the ultrasound shows three? Did I just black out?

And today….as I was driving to the clinic to have my blood drawn, I decided to stop and enjoy the moment. This moment is good. I’m pregnant. I feel great. My clothes still fit. I’m going to savor every bit of it and take this pregnancy- for better or worse- one day at a time.